Armed and Dangerous/Apartment Hunt

Yesterday I went to Oakland to look at another apartment. It's getting down to the wire now. I have to find a place before the 22nd when I go down to Cencal for some dental appointments. But I feel so uncertain about this place. I'll go into that in more detail later though. First, I wanted to mention something that happened on my way to Oakland, which kind of relates to my last two posts about the police shooting and the riots.

Before I say this, I hope I can convince anyone reading who may be a cop or a friend or family member of one to not take offense. I'm just telling you what I feel, and what I feel can't be helped. I was on BART, still in San Francisco I think, when two police officers got on the same car. I always feel a little bit of resentment and anger towards cops when I see them. Don't ask me why. I don't have a huge problem with authority, and I know not all cops abuse their power, beat up homeless people, shoot unarmed guys who are pinned to the ground, etc. I know they put up with some of the harshest conditions imaginable every day. Overworked, underpaid, putting their lives on the line, blah blah blah, all those cliches. Still, I don't really like to be in the presence of a uniformed police officer, especially a male one. They always looks so smug. Then something happened. For a microsecond, I made eye contact with one of the officers. Nothing significant, just both of us happened to be glancing at each other at the same time. Suddenly I was scared, and I realized why these guys can afford to look so smug all the time. They're armed. Like I'd never noticed before, I was suddenly aware of the nightsticks hanging from their belts. Two feet of solid black metal that could probably put a hole in a person's skull if used with enough force. They had holstered tasers. I've heard the agonizing screams of a person being tased. And out of vision I knew they had guns. I thought to myself, if one civilian with any one of those weapons got on the train with me I would have immediately left. Yet here I was, within ten feet of two heavily armed men who could have massacred the entire train in only the amount of time it would take to walk from the first car to the last. And don't think any training or moral obligation to the public would mean anything. I know what people are capable of, and cops are ultimately just people. People with weapons.

The two officers chatted amiably with a man sitting by the door, and then they left the train at the very next stop. But now I don't know what to think. I've never feared the police before. I never really trusted them either, but fear never entered my mind. So I have to wonder what will happen next time I see a couple of cops standing around, looking like they own the world.

Now, on to the apartment. It was a nice studio in a rather old building just a half a block north of Lake Merrit. For the sake of convincing myself that I need to take this place, I'm going to do what my best friend/current roommate C does when she needs to make a decision: I'm going to make a list of pros and cons.

Pros:

Well within my price range.

Close to the lake.

Close to school.

Nice neighborhood.

Nice roommate (for the purpose of this blog, H).

Month to month basis.

My last hope.

Cons:

Very small space.

H seemed unwilling to give me a definite yes or no by next week.

H also seemed a little obsessed with cleanliness.

This general feeling of uncertainty I have about it.

And I'd like to go with my feeling of uncertainty and say that, if it doesn't feel right I shouldn't do it. But I can't really afford to not do it. I need a home soon. I've been looking for about two months. C made the point that since it would be a month to month thing, maybe this could be a transition place for me. So should I ignore my instincts?

Sorry for this novel. I'll leave you now with these questions. What were your first few homes away from your parents like? Did you ever move to a place that you weren't sure about, simply because you needed to? How did it work out? Also, what the smallest space you've ever lived in/ the most people you've ever lived with? My current record for the most roommates is six, not including myself.