Fear Itself

Well, that was slightly embarrassing. Time for a new blog post to push that last one down a bit.

I've been thinking a lot lately about fear, especially after reading a blog post by Lyndsie about this very topic.

I mentioned in my last post that I feel like an agoraphobe. I haven't been diagnosed with this condition, but given how eager most psychiatrists are to diagnose patients, if I only went to see one I'm sure my suspicions would be confirmed. It would save him or her the trouble of flipping to a random page in the DSM-IV and pointing blindly to a mental disorder. (In case you can't tell, my high school psychology teacher taught me, among other things, to be pretty jaded about most modern-day psychiatrists and their tendency to make diagnoses simply for the purpose of writing prescriptions for medications, the manufacturers of which have surely promised some kickback.) Anyway, I've experienced panic attacks and  social anxiety since I was a child, but until recently I'd only joked about agoraphobia. Lately, though, chills run down my spine at the mere thought of going out for groceries. It's not so bad if I'm with someone. I can go almost anywhere with a friend. But leaving my home without the company of someone I know has become nearly impossible.

Huge, panic-attack-inducing fear number two doesn't have an official name, so I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the only person who experiences it. I'm afraid of all things that have to do with pregnancy. This probably stems from my fear of all things medical (I can't watch those hospital dramas on TV or even listen to someone recount a procedure they've had done), but I'm able to distinguish the pregnancy fear from the general medical fear. I looked up the greek word for "pregnancy" (εγκυμοσύνη) and did my best to anglicize it so I could give this fear a name. My best effort is egkimosiniphobia. I first became aware of this fear (ironically enough) in my aforementioned high school psychology class. For some reason, a whole section of the class was about pregnancy. During one lecture, I started to have an excruciating panic attack. Strangely, no one seemed to notice, and I was able to stay in class and wait it out even though I felt like I was going to faint. Now I get nervous seeing a pregnant woman walking down the street, or even an actor on TV who isn't really pregnant, but is pretending to be for a role.

When I was a kid, even with the occasional anxiety attack, I was basically fearless. I know all fears are learned. No one is born afraid of anything. So I have to wonder where and how I learned to be afraid of things that can't really do me any harm. Even fears of spiders or heights or darkness seem reasonable to me. Spiders can bite you, you can fall from high places, and who knows what might be lurking in the dark, even if it's just a chair leg on which you might stub your toe.

So I leave you with this question: what  is your most unreasonable fear, and how do you think you acquired it?